you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
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