U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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