I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
