he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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