So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
