dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
