Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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