I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
