this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
