Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
