you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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