If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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