yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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