Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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