Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
