I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
