oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
