Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
