no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
