as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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