Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
