I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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