So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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