now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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