He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
