I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
