it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
