She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
