I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
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