Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
