As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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