need another drink. this is the easiest way
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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