Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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