I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize