When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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