I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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