Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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