Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Your penis caused this!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
