Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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