Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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