I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
