Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
