she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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