mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
