college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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