new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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