there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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