The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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