Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
