that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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