hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize