He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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