what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
