my being single is dangerous.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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