That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
