just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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