Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
