she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize