If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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