Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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