I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
