he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
