i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
