How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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