I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
