I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just want nice things and good sex
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
